I had what i would call a right moment last night.
After a good afternoon regarding my needs assessment i felt positive but for some bizarre i kind of lost the plot when the kids came home.
I didnt feel great yesterday and fet very drained, no energy so thought i would save the hassle of struggling to cook and have chippy instead. I forgot the local chippy is closed on a monday so that scuppered my ideas of an easy tea. Great i thought, now i need to think what i am going to do that is going to be quick and easy. After a quick scan i thought sausage chips and beans would be ideal.
My daughter and her bf were doing the garden for me and needed and an extension, so while i was in kitchen cooking they were upstairs sorting out the extension. All of a sudden i heard a massive bang and my daughter going OH NOOOO, so with difficulty i got up and went to investigate at the bottom of the stairs, it was too much effort to be going up, so i shouted at the bottom of stairs to see what was happening..My daughter had accidently knocked over a tub of paint and it was all over the floor, ,, i felt like screaming because i couldnt get up there quick enough to sort it out and the dinner was cooking, i knew it was an accident, but i was stressing that i wasn't able to quickly race up the stairs and sort it out. After much confusion and trying to explain to my daughter where what was to clean it up i went back in to kitchen to sort tea out. Dinner was cooked and the sausages were burnt.Grrrrrr i was thinking,, I nearly dropped the chips as i took them out the oven, spilt some of the beans on the side because my wrists were weak and it seemed to be all going to pot.. After dishing dinner up i went to go and sit down and eat, on my way to the table while holding myself up with my stick and dinner in other hand i could feel as if my hand was gonna go, someone had left something on the floor i nearly went on it so that got me grrr again, the next thing i know i through my dinner up the bookcase, my stick up the wall and broke down in to tears. I kind of sat on the stairs and tooka moment to breathe and contain myself, after about 20 minutes and the kids trying to put my dinner back on my plate i calmed down.. I immediately apologised to the kids for my outburst and tried to explain that i was frustrated about things and that i was sorry i had done that infront of them... They were both really good and gave me the biggest hug.
After an aventful dinner the kids were outside doing the garden so i sat outside with a cuppa, i was watching them and thinking how great they are and no matter how shite i feel they always put a smile on my face. I love them to bits.
Today i have woke up feeling better although the sun is hiding behind the clouds today i am going to try and keep smiling and remain upbeat and positive..