Somebody tweeted yesterday and said that sometimes the emotions we experience can sometimes be worse than the physical.. That is so true..
Its not just about dealing with our arthritis but dealing with everything else that comes with it too.
I have only suffered for 18 months,( not long to some who have had it for many many yrs) but for me my life changed dramatically.
The way i have tried to deal with it is by just keep going, taking one day at a time, but the past few days a few things have happened and all the emotions i push to the back of my head have resurfaced making me think have i really come to terms with my arthritis or am i just ignoring it so i don't have to think about it.??
I don't think i have thought about how much my health has such an impact on my children and partner nor those closest to me. My daughter is 14 and has been learning about how arthritis affects people and complications that can arise etc, My daughter came home in tears, she never understood arthritis properly and now she is scared, she told me she worries about me everyday, that definitely pulled on my heart strings and i just sat there and thought wow this must be really hard for her, and if its this hard for her then how are other people in the family feeling?? What can i do to help?? have no idea..I already try and not show my pain which is hard if you cant move properly or pick things up etc but i have no idea how i can make this easier on those around me, they must be going through there own emotional battle.. Will my smile and my inner strength be enough for them not to worry?? i doubt it.. I am still me in some ways , but i am different now, so for me to accept my arthritis properly does that mean a part of them has to too???
Another thing that got me thinking was a friend of mine has been having lots of trouble with her knee, had xrays and MRI, yesterday she went to get the results of her MRI clinging on to the hope it is something to be operated on, only to be told it is OA...Talk about bursting ya bubble...All that hope and desperation that it can be a quick fix , gone in a split second..I remember that feeling like it was yesterday, hoping that i will get an answer to my prayers and have this pain taken away from me...Unfortunately not..I remember when i was told it took a few days to sink in, various emotions going round in my head, thinking wow this is it, i can never be fixed nor cured, this is my life... My attitude was well i can either dwell on it or i can deal with it and move on. So that was me thinking i had accepted my arthritis, but have i, if it still crops up and still gets me down?.
Yesterday i was annoyed that for th 2nd night in a row i couldnt have a bath due to my wrists and my knee swelling up, great one i thought, so i had to sit on my perching stool and have a strip wash, lovely.... not lol..
Then i needed to go downstairs for something, the dog had decided to pee on the carpet, was not impressed. I managed to get the stuff to clean it, but i couldnt bend down to do it because of my knees, i couldnt scrub the floor because of my hands, so i sat down on the sofa, cried and called myself useless, i was peed off. and wanted to tell the world i hate being like this and that sometimes i am not the superwoman i try to make out i am and that i can feel quite lonely at times and no1 close enough to me can fully understand what i feel on a day to day basis.. After having my moment, i just pushed whatever was going on in my head to the back of my mind and went back upstairs and carried on as normal.. Thats what i do best and that is my way of dealing with it. I have 1 person who i talk to about my arthritis and that is becasue she has it too that i know she understands
.My BM tells me that if i dont tell people how it is how can they help, she is right.. but for me that is how i cope and deal with my arthritis, but the fact is i dont think i have accepted my arthritis properly,,,will i ever??? i dont know, i wonder how others deal with theirs??