Wednesday, 15 February 2012

The good days never last as long as we'd like

I noticed that i only tend to write when things are bad, i suppose this is not good if i am supposed to be assuring others with this ghastly disease that things arent always bad..
Too be honest it is not always bad. For about 4 and half days i was good, good meaning i was able to walk and go out the house and up town with the kids , which for me is a luxury. Them days i was good i maybe should have posted to say i was having a good day, but if i am honest i was too busy enjoying my good day to have time to be sat on my laptop lol..
Come saturday after another trip up town with my son to the library i could feel the tension creep in my body, my hips and back were gnawing and throbbing.. by the time i got home i was a moody cow and was snapping at my other half, he hadnt done nowt but i was hurting and annoyed that after only a few days of being able to walk it was coming to its end....
Sunday and monday things were pretty much the same i knew i was to stay in the house and pretty much do sod all for fear of aggravating the situation...But being a woman and if i am able to do things i will i decided to tidy the house and wash and dry bed linen obviously with tea and tablet breaks in between, as you can imagine it took me the best part of all day and was pretty worn out at the end of it..
Well  yesterday, bloody valentines day i woke and i was very stiff and sore, i got out of bed to stand and the pain was excrutiating in my hips and back area..great one i thought.. i knew my day was going to be very limited..I felt shite, completely shite, my plans for valentines day was ruined..I wanted to get dressed up, put me face on do me hair and make a special effort, .. i was in no mood for loving just crying lol.
I managed to get dressed this was probably about 2 pm.. lol Walking was a nightmare and had to use crutches in house which i hate as i cant bloody hold anything..
I was wound up as i couldnt do anything myself ie housework etc, i had to ask the kids and even that caused problems which wound me up even more, got me more frustrated that i couldnt do what i wanted....
I could feel the frustration inside along with the pain, i felt like i wanted someone to squeeze my hips and back tightly to squash all that pain that was trying to get out...that would have probably broken my back lol, but that was what i wanted..
To top it off i had a letter from DLA saying that i was not entitled to it.. The reasons they listed as to why was not what i said on form..At the moment i am not feeling the fight to appeal as i still not great today, but once i have my fighting spirit back i shall be appealing with a little help form my friend..
Scott came home and i was trying my hardest to make out i was ok(think the sticks gave it away lol) he was annoyed about DLA and was tired form work , plius he had to go shop and cook dinner and tidy up.. i felt for him and was annoyed with myself that i was put in the position of being so limited to what i can do..
I didi have a few episodes of tears yesterday, short bursts of anger, frustratio and pain..
Today i am feeling a bit better, not so painful as yesterday, but am still very limited as to what i can and cant do, but better than yesterday so thats an improvement...

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